Too many times, churches promote their services or an event and they fail to see results for one reason: they were unclear as to what they wanted the recipient to do.
People reject things are unclear or irrelevant. So above all, we must be clear.
Here's what I recommend: Ask yourself, "What do I want this person to do: visit our website? Attend our church? Call our office?" Whatever it is, start there and work your way backwards.
Build you case in your copy so they feel they're missing out if they miss the opportunity you're providing.
It's great to be clever. It's OK to be cute. But if you have to choose: above all, be clear.
For more on writing effective copy that reaches people, pick up a copy of "21st Century Outreach Strategies". A resource for churches that want to reach more people without breaking the bank.